Why yes, I do update

Failure so far today:
1. Calling parents sober. Oops. That third glass of wine was calling.

2. Resisting the cookies. Cookies. Cookies. This is why my skinny jeans don't fit.

3. Doing work. TPS - suck it!

4. Going to church. An ongoing failure in my life.

Successes so far today:
1. Going on a run. 4 miles. Hell yes.

2. Making Butternut Squash Lasagna. Yes, my husband ate half of it.

3. Doing laundry.

4. Finding my "business casual clothes" for the field trip. Yes, I need those DKNY heels. I do.

5. And oh yes. This picture:

Break

I'm totally a kid on my first break from school. Off to the beach - I'm taking a small suitcase so I'm only going to have flip-flops and swim suits!

Quoted

"Does anyone know what DSAT is?"

"No....just another way to torture us, I suppose."

"Well, I'm sure it's better than anal..."

"We don't know that yet."

Texting

One of the many many many things I need to learn to stop doing: use the SMS feature on my phone with alcohol. Some phone numbers we keep because we need to know not to respond. I'm afraid I'm turning into one of those...

Unprofessional Bitching about Coworkers

*Alert*

Herein I shall be unprofessional. File this one under "proof of humanity."

So I had to produce a technical document with one of my coworkers - someone who isn't as experienced as I am at producing said documents. I ended up doing all the work (he did proofread once...when I was hungover, recuperating from some really bad undocumented stupidity). So today I had to read another set of similar documents, in which the team had actually cooperated.

Yes, I could have done a much better job. On one hand, I'm very frustrated with myself that I did not do a better job. On the other hand, I'm frustrated that I went through this one alone.

I really need to get over myself and stop thinking that this particular area is my specialty. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn.

I should also probably spend less time dicking around the internet, buying shoes, shopping for things I'll never wear, and focus more on studying. Because we're not really coworkers, we're classmates.

River Tam

Tonight I have the mighty need to study FSOS (first and second order systems...sung as "FAAAAA.........SSSOOOOOOOOOOOsss) sort of because I have a test tomorrow. The good thing is that I actually think I understand it better than I did when I took it at GT. The bad thing is...well...I have a test tomorrow and I don't understand it well enough.

When I have the mighty need to do such things I will do anything in my power to avoid actually doing them. I did get in a lovely study session this afternoon but then when I got home I needed to: shower (long sweaty run), eat gingersnaps, costume myself as River Tam, eat rice with hoisin sauce, dance around the house, lay in bed complaining about studying, and then walk around the neighborhood with my husband.

Now that I'm done studying: blogging, more gingersnaps, and shopping on Etsy. I did get a good luck text from someone who was in a very good mood...which was incredibly contagious.

Tidbits

My sister got her PhD in French this weekend. She is awesome!

I did something incredibly stupid Friday night - something I can't talk about here but I want to. See, I started this in the hope that I could use this forum as a place to hash out the incredible stupidity of what I'm doing now, why I can't seem to stop, and where I need to take my life from here. And now I'm paranoid. Which leads to drinking and ill-advised text messaging late a night. Not only that, I've raised someone else's paranoia level to new heights (and seriously, I thought that wasn't possible).

So, suffice so say, I'm incredibly proud of my sister, my new nephew is amazing, and I'm lost.

Spring Cleaning

There is now a certain household cleanser I cannot look at without feeling that little feeling...that little flutter inside me that reminds me I am most definitely human and I am not perfect. I can't hear the word without feeling like laughing and crying at the same time.

Seriously, Pinesol, how could you do this to me?

Carry You

Listening. Listening is not something I am good at. I’m more of a talker – the more about me, the better. But listening is something I’ve been doing this week.

I’ve been listening to….someone talk about how things aren’t going well at school, someone talk about how life has really been living in The Shithole, someone talk about how his parents marriage really is, someone talk about what to do for his wife for mother’s day, someone talk about the frustrations of appearing blessedly mortal in the face of so much perfection…

I’ve been listening to a song. It is part of that playlist – the one I have to handle what life is giving me these days, the one I have to help me win the “I don’t think you can handle it” argument I get sometimes. The song…it seems to sum up perfectly the incredibly confusing range of emotions I’m experiencing these days.

You better choose your words carefully/because I’m not your anything/Gonna stay here in my place/And you stay in yours/Because you’re only good as what you’re good for

Would I see you tonight at a place we would go?/ Going through the motions leads to real emotions/I wanna make things right before time runs out/It was like you said, the taste don’t taste like it should

So last night had some level of honest conversation with someone. Sort of I could get brutally honest about what I was thinking as long as it pertained to a certain subject matter but trying to get to the heart of the issues I was curious about (even if they're ancillary to the situation) well....that isn't allowed. I'm not certain if that is right but that is how it is and I can't change it.

Ah fuck

Yeah...who gets diagnosed with an STD more than a year after getting married? Oh right, me.

Like I said, better husband than I ever deserve to have.

Bad Influence

I don't think it is a huge secret that my husband loves me to death (why, I do not know. I certainly don't deserve it) and is also my biggest fan. I really thought my dad was joking when he said (during our dance at my wedding) that he needed to step aside now and let my husband be my biggest fan, but he was right. My husband supports me in whatever I do, be it signing up for CSA that specializes in fancy tomatoes (he doesn't eat tomatoes. He is from PA. This makes sense) or supporting me through my current educational endeavor.

The past weekend was an excellent example of his love and support. I was running a half marathon in Ocean City and he went with me, went to bed early with me, and then got up at 0530 to cheer me on in the cold for April temperatures. Of course, there is the minor matter of him also cheering me on in my other hobby....shopping.

See, the packet and t-shirt pickup was at the OC outlets. Which aren't great, as outlets go, but down here we've got a Kohl's, an Old Navy, a Marshall's, a Ross, a JCPenney, and a Belk. And that is it for about an hour. So, he indulged me. By indulged me, I mean that every time I saw something I liked in a window, he encouraged me to go in and try it on.

So now, I have a bright yellow trench coat. I think it is going to match the flight suit really well.

Swiss Cheese

Today I got off the plane and realized that here, here was where the board won't be lining up the holes in the swiss cheese diagram of the mishap. Here is where no one can call into question the decision to do on the flight, to practice non-standard CRM, to have a rushed brief, to enter a crowded airspace, to not confirm cards, to attempt to violate SOP. I never want to spend another hour in an airplane wishing I were back on the ground, never flying with the other again. Obviously it is now on me (and the other) to make sure it doesn't happen again. Some issues were acknowledged, some weren't...but mostly I don't want to end up a single spaced text file explaining all the stupid decisions on the part of the crew.

Leadership lesson relearned: if it makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you should probably tell the other...and then tell someone who can actually do something about it.