Spring Cleaning

There is now a certain household cleanser I cannot look at without feeling that little feeling...that little flutter inside me that reminds me I am most definitely human and I am not perfect. I can't hear the word without feeling like laughing and crying at the same time.

Seriously, Pinesol, how could you do this to me?

Carry You

Listening. Listening is not something I am good at. I’m more of a talker – the more about me, the better. But listening is something I’ve been doing this week.

I’ve been listening to….someone talk about how things aren’t going well at school, someone talk about how life has really been living in The Shithole, someone talk about how his parents marriage really is, someone talk about what to do for his wife for mother’s day, someone talk about the frustrations of appearing blessedly mortal in the face of so much perfection…

I’ve been listening to a song. It is part of that playlist – the one I have to handle what life is giving me these days, the one I have to help me win the “I don’t think you can handle it” argument I get sometimes. The song…it seems to sum up perfectly the incredibly confusing range of emotions I’m experiencing these days.

You better choose your words carefully/because I’m not your anything/Gonna stay here in my place/And you stay in yours/Because you’re only good as what you’re good for

Would I see you tonight at a place we would go?/ Going through the motions leads to real emotions/I wanna make things right before time runs out/It was like you said, the taste don’t taste like it should

So last night had some level of honest conversation with someone. Sort of I could get brutally honest about what I was thinking as long as it pertained to a certain subject matter but trying to get to the heart of the issues I was curious about (even if they're ancillary to the situation) well....that isn't allowed. I'm not certain if that is right but that is how it is and I can't change it.

Ah fuck

Yeah...who gets diagnosed with an STD more than a year after getting married? Oh right, me.

Like I said, better husband than I ever deserve to have.

Bad Influence

I don't think it is a huge secret that my husband loves me to death (why, I do not know. I certainly don't deserve it) and is also my biggest fan. I really thought my dad was joking when he said (during our dance at my wedding) that he needed to step aside now and let my husband be my biggest fan, but he was right. My husband supports me in whatever I do, be it signing up for CSA that specializes in fancy tomatoes (he doesn't eat tomatoes. He is from PA. This makes sense) or supporting me through my current educational endeavor.

The past weekend was an excellent example of his love and support. I was running a half marathon in Ocean City and he went with me, went to bed early with me, and then got up at 0530 to cheer me on in the cold for April temperatures. Of course, there is the minor matter of him also cheering me on in my other hobby....shopping.

See, the packet and t-shirt pickup was at the OC outlets. Which aren't great, as outlets go, but down here we've got a Kohl's, an Old Navy, a Marshall's, a Ross, a JCPenney, and a Belk. And that is it for about an hour. So, he indulged me. By indulged me, I mean that every time I saw something I liked in a window, he encouraged me to go in and try it on.

So now, I have a bright yellow trench coat. I think it is going to match the flight suit really well.

Swiss Cheese

Today I got off the plane and realized that here, here was where the board won't be lining up the holes in the swiss cheese diagram of the mishap. Here is where no one can call into question the decision to do on the flight, to practice non-standard CRM, to have a rushed brief, to enter a crowded airspace, to not confirm cards, to attempt to violate SOP. I never want to spend another hour in an airplane wishing I were back on the ground, never flying with the other again. Obviously it is now on me (and the other) to make sure it doesn't happen again. Some issues were acknowledged, some weren't...but mostly I don't want to end up a single spaced text file explaining all the stupid decisions on the part of the crew.

Leadership lesson relearned: if it makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you should probably tell the other...and then tell someone who can actually do something about it.