Texting

One of the many many many things I need to learn to stop doing: use the SMS feature on my phone with alcohol. Some phone numbers we keep because we need to know not to respond. I'm afraid I'm turning into one of those...

Unprofessional Bitching about Coworkers

*Alert*

Herein I shall be unprofessional. File this one under "proof of humanity."

So I had to produce a technical document with one of my coworkers - someone who isn't as experienced as I am at producing said documents. I ended up doing all the work (he did proofread once...when I was hungover, recuperating from some really bad undocumented stupidity). So today I had to read another set of similar documents, in which the team had actually cooperated.

Yes, I could have done a much better job. On one hand, I'm very frustrated with myself that I did not do a better job. On the other hand, I'm frustrated that I went through this one alone.

I really need to get over myself and stop thinking that this particular area is my specialty. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn.

I should also probably spend less time dicking around the internet, buying shoes, shopping for things I'll never wear, and focus more on studying. Because we're not really coworkers, we're classmates.

River Tam

Tonight I have the mighty need to study FSOS (first and second order systems...sung as "FAAAAA.........SSSOOOOOOOOOOOsss) sort of because I have a test tomorrow. The good thing is that I actually think I understand it better than I did when I took it at GT. The bad thing is...well...I have a test tomorrow and I don't understand it well enough.

When I have the mighty need to do such things I will do anything in my power to avoid actually doing them. I did get in a lovely study session this afternoon but then when I got home I needed to: shower (long sweaty run), eat gingersnaps, costume myself as River Tam, eat rice with hoisin sauce, dance around the house, lay in bed complaining about studying, and then walk around the neighborhood with my husband.

Now that I'm done studying: blogging, more gingersnaps, and shopping on Etsy. I did get a good luck text from someone who was in a very good mood...which was incredibly contagious.

Tidbits

My sister got her PhD in French this weekend. She is awesome!

I did something incredibly stupid Friday night - something I can't talk about here but I want to. See, I started this in the hope that I could use this forum as a place to hash out the incredible stupidity of what I'm doing now, why I can't seem to stop, and where I need to take my life from here. And now I'm paranoid. Which leads to drinking and ill-advised text messaging late a night. Not only that, I've raised someone else's paranoia level to new heights (and seriously, I thought that wasn't possible).

So, suffice so say, I'm incredibly proud of my sister, my new nephew is amazing, and I'm lost.

Spring Cleaning

There is now a certain household cleanser I cannot look at without feeling that little feeling...that little flutter inside me that reminds me I am most definitely human and I am not perfect. I can't hear the word without feeling like laughing and crying at the same time.

Seriously, Pinesol, how could you do this to me?

Carry You

Listening. Listening is not something I am good at. I’m more of a talker – the more about me, the better. But listening is something I’ve been doing this week.

I’ve been listening to….someone talk about how things aren’t going well at school, someone talk about how life has really been living in The Shithole, someone talk about how his parents marriage really is, someone talk about what to do for his wife for mother’s day, someone talk about the frustrations of appearing blessedly mortal in the face of so much perfection…

I’ve been listening to a song. It is part of that playlist – the one I have to handle what life is giving me these days, the one I have to help me win the “I don’t think you can handle it” argument I get sometimes. The song…it seems to sum up perfectly the incredibly confusing range of emotions I’m experiencing these days.

You better choose your words carefully/because I’m not your anything/Gonna stay here in my place/And you stay in yours/Because you’re only good as what you’re good for

Would I see you tonight at a place we would go?/ Going through the motions leads to real emotions/I wanna make things right before time runs out/It was like you said, the taste don’t taste like it should

So last night had some level of honest conversation with someone. Sort of I could get brutally honest about what I was thinking as long as it pertained to a certain subject matter but trying to get to the heart of the issues I was curious about (even if they're ancillary to the situation) well....that isn't allowed. I'm not certain if that is right but that is how it is and I can't change it.

Ah fuck

Yeah...who gets diagnosed with an STD more than a year after getting married? Oh right, me.

Like I said, better husband than I ever deserve to have.